Understanding Attraction: What Does Bicurious Mean?

It’s good to be curious! There’s an old saying that “curiosity killed the cat,” but from what we’ve seen, it’s quite the opposite (and it may get you a different kind of cat if you know what we’re saying). 

Fortunately — or unfortunately, if you’ve gone through a big breakup recently — we have no control over our actual sexual orientation. What we do control is how we embrace or fight our sexuality, which impacts not just our sex lives but our mental health too! 

Loving who you are unconditionally is non-negotiable in our book. Let’s talk a little more about what it means to be “bicurious” and how you can use that to learn more about yourself (and love yourself more, physically and mentally).

What Is Sexual Orientation?

It used to be that anything other than strict, vanilla “straight” sexuality was seen as abnormal (and even an official mental illness, according to the doctors at the time). Thankfully, although it may seem slow, society is changing, and we’re far more able to embrace who we actually are. 

This has opened up doors (and closets) for people, especially in the United States, and likely also saved lives! But we still have a ways to go, too.

Politics aside (it’s usually never a good idea to mix sex and politics anyway), what is sexual orientation? And what are the common ways people identify? While that list is constantly evolving, here are the three commonly recognized “main” categories:

  • Heterosexual. People who are attracted strictly to people of the “opposite” gender. Think: “straight” people.

  • Homosexual. Although this is becoming increasingly outdated, homosexuals are attracted strictly to people of the “same” gender. For women, this is known as being a lesbian, but for men, we mostly just call them gay.

  • Bisexual. Bisexuals are attracted to “both” genders, although how much they are attracted to each (80% preference for men, 20% preference for women, for example) varies greatly. 

For a long time, those were what we had to identify ourselves with! You had to put yourself into one of those three boxes, and there was no wiggle room, which led to a lot of confusion. Luckily, there are a bunch more ways you can identify yourself now. Here are just a few:

  • Allosexual. Simply put, describing yourself as allosexual means you feel sexually attracted to other humans. You can be allosexual and also be gay, straight, bi, etc. This is the opposite of asexual, where you don’t experience any (or much) sexual attraction at all.

  • Demisexual. This is a part of the asexual spectrum, where you can become sexually attracted to someone only after a strong emotional or romantic connection is made.

  • Pansexual. People who are attracted to others regardless of their sex or gender identity.

  • Queer. Yes, this used to be thrown around as an insult. Queer people have now leaned into the label as its own sexual identity, and it’s most often used as a big LGBTQIA+ umbrella.

  • Skoliosexual. Skoliosexuals find themselves sexually attracted to those who aren’t cisgender — trans, non-binary, and other gender-non-conforming people. 

Don’t worry if all of that seems like a lot! There are many different ways to be (or not to be, as it were) sexually attracted to other people, and you can always change up your labels as you continue to evolve. 

What Does Being Bicurious Mean?

You probably noticed we didn’t include bicurious on the list of sexual orientations. There’s a reason for that! The term can actually be quite controversial, so we wanted to break it down separately. 

And honestly? What being bicurious means can also change from person to person! Generally speaking, though, bicurious is a term people use to describe anyone experiencing sexual feelings for someone outside their usually preferred gender. 

While we typically talk about bicurious people in terms of straight people thinking about having gay sex, it can also be the other way around! That’s why bicurious is different than being “heteroflexible” — you might say it’s more “flexible” than that label implies!

Why So Controversial?

In some circles, the bicurious label is controversial because some feel it minimizes people who actually own their sexual attractions. While we fully understand why people would feel that way, we’re all for any labels you need to have to embrace who you are — even temporary ones! 

A lot of that comes down to biphobia. People who identify as bisexual are often scrutinized unfairly by both straight and gay people — which can leave them feeling like they have to “pick a side” or not come out at all

Luckily, we’re getting a lot better at embracing bisexuality as its own unique sexuality. After all, how exciting is it to have the world as your oyster?

Sex Tips for Bicurious People

If you’re ready to take your curiosity to a more physical level, don’t feel overwhelmed! We’ll help walk you through a few ways to please your partner, even if you don’t have any experience! While we refer to men and women, we’re talking about anatomy and not identity so take the tips that apply to you and leave the ones that don’t (or pass them along to a friend).

How To Please a Woman (If You’re a Woman)

So, you’re a mostly straight cis woman ready to shed your bicurious label and explore having sex with another woman. Get it, girl! While it may seem scary, remember — you have the same parts! 

While everyone is different, you automatically have a leg up on cis dudes who don’t know the anatomy as well as you do. 

  • Explore using a double dildo! Penetration doesn’t have to be part of sapphic sex, but it can be a hot way to experience the same full feeling with your partner.

  • Don’t be afraid to ask — do you like that? What do you like? Show me how you want it. The best way to learn about your partner is by having them tell you!

  • Use your mouth. Licking your partner and seeing how much they react is hot as hell and shows your partner you’re really in it to win it. 

How To Please a Woman (If You’re a Man)

Do you identify as a gay man but have been thinking more about what it would feel like to be with a woman? We’ve got you.

  • Ask your partner what they like! Have them show you how and where they want to be touched, and then do that.

  • One of the keys to having sex with a cis woman is getting to know and love the clit. When it doubt, hit her with the clitoral vibrator (with consent, of course).

  • Remember, talk about birth control! If you’re used to having sex with other men, you haven’t had to worry about pregnancy. Make sure you have that conversation before you get hot and heavy.

How To Please a Man (If You’re a Man)

If you’re a dude who has always had sex with cis women, the idea of getting down and dirty with another dude can make you feel some things. But it doesn’t have to be scary!

  • Don’t feel like you have to jump too quickly into anything you’re not ready for! Go slow and do what feels comfortable to you.

  • There’s nothing wrong with a good, old-fashioned handjob! Jerking your partner off can get you used to the idea of working with another dick, plus it’s a great way to ease yourself into blowing them if the mood strikes.

  • If you decide to try anal play, make sure you have plenty of lube! The butt can’t make its own lube, but it’s necessary to keep everything slippery, comfortable, and pleasurable. 

How To Please a Man (If You’re a Woman)

Are you a woman who has only had sex with other women but has been craving some dick? Let’s explore how you can make sex with a man feel less out of the ordinary!

  • Be honest with your partner — if penetration is off the table (especially the first time), tell him. Or if you want him to go slow and play it by ear, tell him that too. Communication is hot and sets you both up for hot sex.

  • Use lots of lube, even for foreplay! Skin-on-skin contact with a dick can be more friction than pleasure, so keep everything nice and slippery!

  • Remember to use condoms if you can get pregnant (or if you’re concerned about STIs).

  • Take control by choosing the position; this can help you change how deep the penetration is (especially if it’s getting uncomfortable). And don’t be afraid to tell him how it feels; otherwise, he won’t know!

In The End

There’s nothing wrong with thinking about exploring a sexual relationship with a different gender than you’re used to. Life is all about keeping an open mind and learning about yourself. 

If you’re feeling bicurious, explore it! Hopefully, our tips will help you feel a little more prepared when you’re ready to go there — good luck and many successful orgasms to you!


#FlashbackFriday -- Today in 1973, the APA Removed Homosexuality From List of Mental Illnesses | Human Rights Campaign

The prevalence and nature of biphobia in heterosexual undergraduate students | PubMed

Bisexual adults are far less likely than gay men and lesbians to be 'out' to the people in their lives | Pew Research

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