There are so many different kinks and fetishes out there — it would be impossible to categorize and talk about them all. But we want to give it our best shot; we think that learning that other people share your specific “thing” is incredibly validating (and hot).
We hope you’ll see at least a piece of your unique kink or fetish here — or even discover a new one. Buckle up, strap in (or on), keep an open mind, and grab the lube because here we go!
What Is a Kink?
Let’s begin with just a little bit of definition! You’ve heard the term kink before, but do you know what it actually means?
“Kink” is an umbrella term for anything outside of socially accepted, mainstream (read: “vanilla”) sexual activity. But the idea of what is and isn’t kinky is constantly changing and evolving — think about what people in the 1950s would think about our “normal” sexual activities now (we’re looking at you, sexting).
Even kinks like BDSM (bondage, domination/discipline, submission/sadism, and masochism) are starting to be considered less "out there." If you believe it accurately represented kink (we don’t), you can thank Mr. Grey and that super-popular book series for much of that one.
Kinks may be technically outside of sexual norms, but that’s also what makes them exciting! They’re about exploring the limits of your sexuality and what turns you on, especially when you have a partner you can trust.
Kinks are meant to add spice to your sex life but not be “required” to enjoy sex; if you cross that threshold, you’ve probably found yourself in Fetish Town.
What About Fetishes?
The main factor distinguishing a fetish from a kink is how it impacts your sex life.
One way to look at it objectively is to ask yourself these three questions:
- Am I turned on by an action or an object?
- Do I need to have that action or object involved in my sex life to get turned on or get off?
- Can I have sex with myself without having that action or object involved?
The difference between the two is how you answer questions two and three. You likely have a fetish if you were a solid yes on question two but a no on question three. If those answers were reversed, it’s probably a kink!
That’s because fetishes are necessary for you to get turned on or enjoy having sex (either with yourself or with a partner). People with kinks enjoy incorporating them into their sex life (kinky sex is fun!), but they’re more of a “nice to have” than a “have to have.”
Fetishes, on the other hand, are requirements. But there’s also a lot of crossover — many fetishes start as kinks! While most fetishes are harmless (at least, in the way that consent is always involved), we think it’s important to mention that not all of them are.
Some fetishes start out harmless, of course, but eventually become disruptive. Imagine if you literally couldn’t get off unless you were having sex in public, for example. As a kink, that’s manageable — you could take regular trips to a swinger’s club to scratch that itch, where everyone knows what’s up and is already on board.
Once exhibitionism becomes a fetish, though, you may find yourself going to more and more extreme lengths to fill that need, some of which may be less than legal (think: flashers). Just make sure that you stay safe and keep everything consensual!
What Are the Different Types of Kinks and Fetishes?
So, what are we waiting for? Let’s dive in and get down and dirty. Remember, we’re not here to do any kink-shaming!
Like we said, as long as what you’re doing is legal and consensual, we’re all for you doing what you’ve gotta do to have the best time possible. Variety is the spice of life, after all!
We’d be remiss if we didn’t start with the “big daddy” of them all, BDSM. To cover everything in detail would be its own article, so let’s break it down into bite-sized pieces (and yes, biting can be both a kink and a fetish!).
Let’s start at the beginning — the first B in BDSM stands for bondage, the practice of being restrained or restraining someone else’s physical movement for sexual reasons. There are an endless amount of ways that you can play around with bondage, even as a beginner!
Many people choose to start with furry handcuffs, for example, or you can use anything you find around the house as a restraint or blindfold (like ties, scarves, etc.). If you want to get a little more creative, you can also explore Shibari.
Shibari is a visually stunning, incredibly popular form of rope bondage that originated in Japan. The knot and rope work can be a beautiful work of art but is also extremely complicated, so there is a steep learning curve (but the payoff is well worth it if you’re into it).
You don’t have to spend years perfecting Shibari to try bondage, though. A little rope and a willing partner are good enough for most people; just make sure you have a pair of scissors on hand in case it gets too tight!
What you do once bondage is in place is up to you and your partner.
Dominance and Submission
The next component of BDSM is dominance and submission, one of the most obvious ways to play with the exchange of power. Dominance and submission (D/s) are very diverse, and we’ll cover a few specific subsects as unique kinks.
As a whole, though, the idea of dominance and submission is one partner willingly giving up their power to the other. This power exchange can be backed up physically (by using bondage or practicing orgasm control), mentally (through a “contract”), or both. It also doesn’t have to stay in the bedroom; many people choose to make D/s their entire lifestyle!
While there are many ways to practice a D/s dynamic, the core remains the same — the dominant partner is consensually in control of the submissive partner. People who explore dominance and submission do it for many different reasons, but there’s no denying that it can play a significant role in their sex life and everyday life.
Speaking of interesting takes on dominance and submission — praise kinks! We love a praise kink; it’s one of the most oddly wholesome things out there. Do you find yourself turned on by people telling you that you’re a good girl or that you’re doing a good job (even in a non-sexual way)?
Sure, we all love compliments, but having a praise kink takes that love to another (far more sexual) level. It’s not about just including praise in your sexual activities; praise is the entire point of the sexual encounter.
If your partner has a praise kink, try complimenting them while you’re having sex! “You’re being such a good girl taking my cock like that,” or “You’re doing a great job eating my pussy” can turn any sexual encounter into a mind-blowing one for them.
Remember that your partner may also need a little more aftercare when you’re done, so keep the cuddles coming!
A degradation kink is essentially the opposite of a praise kink while still falling solidly under the dominance and submission umbrella. Instead of wanting to be praised for how good you are, a degradation kink means that it turns you on to be put down by your partner. This kink isn’t for everyone (especially if you get your feelings hurt easily!).
The way people like to be degraded varies. Some people prefer being physically degraded and are aroused by their partner spitting on them, slapping them, or pulling their hair. Depending on how rough you like it, this can also fall into the masochism category (if the point is the pain as much as the feeling of degradation).
Others are into being verbally degraded and want their partners to call them names (like slut or dirty bitch) while they’re having sex. You don’t have to choose one or the other, though; you can have both!
Moving away from the world of BDSM for a bit, let’s talk about furries!
First things first, there are a lot of people who are into the furry culture who aren’t doing it for sexual reasons; we’d hesitate to say most of them don’t! There are many personal reasons and motivations for wanting to dress up like an animal (or another similar creature, which doesn’t even have to exist in real life — like a dragon).
Taking on a whole other personality, especially one more outgoing or less socially awkward than your normal one, can be incredibly empowering. However, that’s not to say that there aren’t any furries that like to get dressed up and get down and dirty with each other.
They even have their own nickname — “yiffs” — also known as autoplushophilia. But don’t feel like you have to spend hundreds and get a full furry suit to try yiffing out for yourself. Buy a cheap set of ears, pop in a furry butt plug, and go to town.
If you get super wet at the thought of having all of your holes filled simultaneously, you may have a double penetration kink! Double penetration is a sexual act that involves either having multiple holes penetrated simultaneously or having multiple sex toys (or penises) inserted into the same hole.
You can do this by yourself with vibrators or dildos, with a partner, or with multiple partners — regardless of what body parts any of you have! While it doesn’t have to be, anal sex can be a component of DP.
If you include that in your interpretation of this kink, you must use lube (and lots of it!). As wonderful as butt stuff is, one thing your butt can’t do is make its own lubrication.
Artificial lube is necessary to keep everything slippery and exciting, especially when your other hole is full, too! Make sure your lube works with your sex toys or the type of condoms you use!
And remember, nothing ever goes from your butt into your mouth or vag. Ever. It’s an infection waiting to happen. And always clean your sex toys thoroughly when you’re done using them before putting them away!
How do you feel when you’re all dressed up, know you’re looking good, and head out to a bar? Likely, you want all eyes on you, appreciating how hot you look and just generally wanting you. Take that feeling into the bedroom, and you’ve got exhibitionism.
Essentially, exhibitionism is getting turned on by having people watch you. What you want to be doing while people watch you will differ from person to person — some people like to masturbate, some like to have sex, and others are just happy being naked in front of other (usually clothed) people.
Sex clubs are an excellent place for people with an exhibitionism kink because they’re safe spaces that let you be who you are and explore new ways of practicing your sexuality without judgment (or public nudity ticket).
On the flip side, there’s voyeurism. Who doesn’t like to watch? After all, watching people have sex is super hot, plus it’s the basis of an entire industry!
It may be enough to head to a sex club and watch other people have sex, or it may turn semi-exhibitionist and inspire you to do a bit of sexual performance of your own (in a less public way, of course).
An interesting subsect of the voyeurism kink is cuckolding, which also adds an element of power exchange. People who want to be “cucked” are turned on by the idea of their partner having sex with someone else, which may or may not need to happen in front of them.
While there tend to be more men than women who are into being “cucked,” it’s not gender-specific. There’s also an element of degradation in the implication that your partner had to have sex with someone else because you just weren’t enough.
Age play is another form of dominance and submission, usually done slightly less aggressively (but not always!). Have you ever called your partner “daddy?” This is a light form of age play!
Like any other kink type, consent is vital with age play! While it may involve dressing up or acting like a child or baby, it absolutely doesn’t involve anyone underage or unable to consent.
Daddy/daughter and Big/little are two of the most common forms of age play, although it isn’t always the “younger” role that takes on the submissive role. Some people even enjoy age play on an entirely non-sexual level, often to heal childhood traumas by regressing for a while safely.
Money may not seem inherently sexual, but it has a hand in almost everything. That’s part of what makes financial domination (usually shortened to just FinDom) so hot for some people. People who are into FinDom are turned on by giving over (or being given) control of finances.
Again, there are plenty of different ways to practice FinDom. It can be total control, where you make money but hand all the power over how it gets spent to someone else. Or you may be given a small allowance and told how to spend most of your money.
This can obviously be a risky kink because you need to trust the person with the financial power. It’s also a perfect example of how kinks and fetishes don’t always have to be overtly sexual.
Getting aroused by feet is one of the most obvious crossovers between a kink and a fetish. If it sounds strange to find feet to be a turn-on, think about how often we do that with other body parts (butts, boobs, etc.). Maybe not so strange after all, right?
Foot fetishists are a diverse cross-section of people. Some people experience a sexual attraction to feet only when they’re in super tall high heels, while others are specifically into painted toenails.
A foot fetish can also focus on different parts of the foot, like the ankle, toes, or arch. Just remember, if you have to look at, touch, or think about feet when you’re sexually aroused, it’s a fetish, not a kink — which is totally okay as long as everyone consents!
Want a unique way to experiment with a foot fetish? Try lubing up your feet and giving a “foot job!” Bonus points if you get a pedicure first.
No, watersports are not about having sex in the water, although that can definitely be hot and enjoyable! When we talk about watersports, we’re talking about anything that involves urine; some people are turned on by specific aspects of urine, like people who experience sexual arousal from its smell or taste (known as urophilia).
Golden showers are one of the most common kinks in this category when you’re aroused by peeing on someone or getting peed on. Don’t be fooled by myths that tell you that urine is sterile, though.
While it isn’t as dirty as poo, it still needs to be played with safely because bacteria are still involved. If you want to ease into it or just try it out for yourself, head to the actual shower! You can just wash it off and move on if it's not your thing.
Impact play is a fancy name for hitting in a sexual context. Spanking is far and away the most common type of impact play, where you use your hand to slap your partner’s (usually naked) ass. But impact play goes much, much further, depending on how kinky you want it to get.
For example, the dominant partner in a power exchange may step their game up by using an impact play tool — a flogger, paddle, crop, etc. Each tool offers a slightly different sensation when used on bare skin, from a slight stinging sensation to a deeper, longer-lasting impact.
Many will also leave marks, which can be part of the charm. We recommend trying them each out and seeing what you like the most!
As a side note, if you find yourself turned on by the idea of getting hurt (in any manner), you’re likely a masochist (that’s the M in BDSM). On the other hand (pun intended), sadists experience sexual pleasure at the thought of hurting people. It’s a match made in heaven!
Threesomes and Group Sex
Although we’re not sure if threesomes count as an actual “kink” or not, it’s definitely on the list of less-than-vanilla sexual activities that would still make your grandmother blush, so we wanted to talk about it.
Threesomes are just three people involved in sexual acts with each other. That can be three people who identify as male, three who identify as female, or any combination of gender and sexual identities!
And not everyone has to take part in everything, either! Some people prefer to be involved but mostly watch (similar to cuckolding), while others want the full experience.
If having two other people in bed with you sounds too tame, you can always up the ante by trying out group sex (also known as orgies). Yes, people still have orgies; it’s not just for the ancient Romans! See if there are any local sex clubs or sex parties near you, or even consider checking out one of the official swingers’ cruises, vacations, or resorts!
Although consensual non-consent often gets pigeonholed into being just a “rape fantasy,” there is a lot more to it than that. Consensual non-consent (often shortened to CNC) is an extreme form of power exchange in a way that goes above and beyond even “typical” BDSM.
When you decide to engage in CNC, you’re setting up a dynamic that consensually takes “no means no” off the table. Some people even choose to role-play without a net, taking away their ability to use a safe word (although we strongly recommend not doing that, especially if it’s your first time).
In addition to your “standard” rape fantasy, CNC includes role play like blackmail, alien abduction, kidnapping, or having sex with someone “asleep.” Be aware that these kinks can also bring up a lot of emotions, especially if you have unresolved trauma (but for some people, this is part of the appeal!).
And finally, let’s talk about breeding kinks.
Breeding kinks involve getting hot at the thought of knocking someone up (or getting knocked up yourself). Breeding kinks don’t include the actual pregnancy, though (or even really putting yourself at risk for getting pregnant); that’s a whole other kink!
Breeding kinks focus just on the actual act of impregnation. One of the most obvious ways to explore a breeding kink is by cumming in your partner without a condom. Obviously, a lot of conversation has to happen before that — STI status, the actual risk of pregnancy, etc.
But the idea of just being able to get off in your partner while thinking about the possibility of putting a baby in them is enough to make someone with a breeding kink super turned on.
Talking to Your Partner About Your Kink or Fetish
So, we’ve gone through a (relatively small) list of kinks, and you’re ready to talk to your partner about yours. How do you start that conversation? What exactly should you talk about?
Here are a few tips to open that door and start having all the kinky sex you’ve always wanted.
Plan the Conversation at the Right Time
We know you’re excited, and you should be! Finally living out your kinks or fetishes is freeing and can bring you and your partner closer together, plus kinky sex is super hot.
But you don’t want to have that conversation, say, in the middle of a busy restaurant or at your kid’s birthday party. Talk about awkward.
Instead, plan a time to talk where you won’t be interrupted, you don’t have a time constraint, and you have plenty of privacy. Who knows, after you’re done talking, your partner may be good to go, and you can do a little role-play right then and there! (But don’t get too ahead of yourself; we’ll talk about why you should go slow in a bit).
Establish a Safe Word
Many of the different kinks we’ve discussed involve some kind of power exchange, and some even revolve around giving or receiving physical pain. When exploring new kinks or fetishes with your partner, you’ve got to establish a safe word.
If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a safe word, it’s a word outside of what you would typically say during sex. That means you shouldn't choose a phrase like “oh, god” or “harder;” stick with something way more out there instead — words like “penguin,” “pineapple,” or “unicorn” work great.
But what does it do? A safe word offers a way to tell your partner to stop or slow down if you’re no longer into what’s happening. It’s like an immediate stop sign that allows you to maintain power even when you willingly give up most of it. That’s why people often say that submissives are the ones who hold the real power in any D/s situation.
Fight the urge to put the pedal to the metal and jump fully into a new kink situation, even if it’s one of the more relatively tame. Talking about kinky sex is one thing, but actually doing it is another beast entirely.
Instead, start slow and feel it out. For example, start with a little light spanking if you’re into impact play. See how it makes you and your partner feel, talk about it, then ramp things up slowly based on that conversation.
If either one of you is uncomfortable, talk about that too! It’s far more important to hear and respect each other’s boundaries than to have hot sex, although the right relationship provides a healthy balance.
Remember, It’s Not Just About You
Getting what you want in the bedroom is hot, right? The feeling you get from opening up and being loved and accepted for your specific kinks and fetishes is one of a kind. But don’t forget that you’ve got to give as much as you get in a healthy relationship!
Once you’re done living out your sexual fantasy, put in the time to find out what your partners are and do them (as long as they don’t cross any of your major boundaries, that is). Hopefully, they’ll even line up!
Don’t Forget Aftercare
Exploring kink can feel hot in the moment but hit you with some serious feelings after (or during!). That’s why it’s crucial to take the time for aftercare after kinky sex. Think of it like downtime, where you cuddle and talk about what just happened.
This time is about strengthening your non-kinky connection because that’s what real relationships are made of. Don’t be afraid to ask specifically for what type of aftercare you need — don’t expect your partner to be psychic!
In The End
There are so many different kinks and fetishes out there that it would be more surprising if you didn’t have at least one! While we’re absolutely not judging anyone for wanting to have vanilla sex (some classic lovemaking is nice every once in a while, for sure), identifying and incorporating some of your sexual kinks into your love life can make things even hotter.
Simpli Pleasures is here for all your sexual needs with zero kink-shaming, as long as you keep it legal and consensual!
The Psychology of Kink: A Cross-Sectional Survey Study Investigating the Roles of Sensation Seeking and Coping Style in BDSM-Related Interests | PubMed