How To Dirty Talk: A Beginner’s Guide

How To Dirty Talk: A Beginner’s Guide

If there’s something hotter than your partner leaning over and whispering the dirtiest, naughtiest, most perverse things in your ear, we’re unaware. Nothing gets us more aroused than a little dirty talk; we've found that it’s a fairly universal turn-on. 

Whether you’re a pro looking to up your game or a beginner wanting to learn how to dirty talk less awkwardly, we’ve got a beginner’s guide to get you there. 

Why Does Dirty Talk Turn Us On So Much?

So we know dirty talk works, but why is it so hot?

There’s not a lot of research on the subject, but the polls that are out there from relationship experts show that it’s one of the most common sexual fantasies — if you’re into it, you’re far from alone! It’s likely a mix of people finding it sexy to have vocal partners (if you’re still holding in your moans, quit that! Let your freak flag fly!) and how much it shows that your partner is really, truly into you. 

Even something as simple as “don’t stop” shows your partner that you’re into them and want them to keep doing what they’re doing — it boosts self-esteem and self-confidence. 

Plus, anyone can do it! What’s stopping you?

Evaluate Your Own Comfort Level

Before getting down and dirty, take a step back and evaluate why you want to learn how to dirty talk. If you’re feeling pressured into talking dirty but don’t have any interest in actually doing it, don’t! 

Sex is about letting go, having fun, and exploring what turns you on — as long as those things come from a place of genuine interest. Having hard boundaries and saying no to something you’re not into is okay

That said, it’s also more than okay to ease into things and take your time getting comfortable with dirty talk. After all, the naughtiest words come from a place of self-acceptance and empowerment. 

If you still need inspiration, pull out your vibrator and see what comes up (pun fully intended). In the end, you can't go wrong when you say what you mean and describe how you feel. 

What Turns My Partner On? 

Dirty talk is sexiest when you’re actually turned on when you do it. Spend some time thinking about what turns you on the most — not just about your partner, but about your specific turn-ons and kinks. 

Then, take that information and use it to turn your partner on. While you should definitely take your partner’s turn-ons into account, you don’t want to just be saying words to say them. When you mean them, they’re far more impactful. 

The best sex comes from quality communication — especially when you actively listen to your partner. When it comes to dirty talk, it can also help to pay attention to what your partner is saying when turned on. 

Do they have fantasies that they talk about a lot? Do they moan the same thing? Use them!

Try Not To Get Self Conscious

Listen, dirty talking can feel cringe as hell sometimes. We get it. If it’s your first time trying dirty talk for yourself, we know you’re probably feeling nervous and awkward. 

Many of those feelings come from overthinking what you’re about to say and not just living in the moment (to be fair, that’s most of our problems most of the time). To avoid that, try to go with the flow (we’ll give you a few examples later). 

Dirty talk doesn’t have to be a romance novel. Getting too wordy can actually be distracting. 

You can always ask your partner for feedback if you think that would help you — but don’t take what they say too personally, rather use it to help you get better at talking dirty. Practice makes perfect, so the more you do it, the less self-conscious you’ll feel (and the hotter you can be!).

Get Creative Describing Things

You should definitely feel free to get vulgar and describe things the way that feels right to you — you can’t really go wrong with the classics. Be vague but keep it hot, or get specific about which of their body parts turns you on the most. 

You also don’t have to stick with the same tone every time you explore dirty talk, just like you don’t have to stick with the same ol’ sex positions. That would get pretty boring, right? 

Mix it up — be sweet and loving one time and super naughty and kinky the next. Keep your partner guessing to keep it hot. 

Still need some ideas? Try reading erotica! We love a good, smutty novel to turn us on and open us up to new ways to explore our erotic personalities. You might be surprised by how creative erotic writers can get, and it will definitely give you some ideas (once you’re done getting off, that is!).

Different Ways To Talk Dirty

Learning how to dirty talk doesn’t have to stay in the bedroom. It’s the 21st century, after all — we have so many other ways to get creatively sexual. 

Take sexting, for example. It wasn’t that long ago that social media wasn’t around, and we had to put our dirty thoughts into a letter and covertly slip it to our crush to let them know what we wanted to do to them (or have them do to us). 

Thankfully, we can now put those same thoughts into a quick text message and — whoosh — send it directly to their phone (pictures are optional but always appreciated). Sexting follows the same rules as talking dirty in person, with the added advantage of being able to edit yourself before you hit send. 

You can also use dirty talk to help keep the spark in a long-distance relationship. It can be hard to stay sexually connected when you’re not face-to-face, but phone sex can bridge the gap between the times you get physically together IRL (in-real-life). 

Try to approach phone sex like any in-person date night — schedule a time, set the mood, and don’t get distracted. 

What Are Some Dirty Talk Examples?

If you still want some examples of what you can say to get your partner hot and bothered, we’ve got some examples for you.

We’ll break them down into a few different categories.

Single Words

For newbies, starting with a single sexy word can help build confidence while still improving your sex life. Don’t believe us? Think about the classics — “yes,” “more,” “faster,” “harder.” 

A well-placed word followed by some uninhibited moaning is some of the hottest stuff on the planet. It’s also a great place to start if you find yourself tongue-tied. 

When in doubt, try just moaning your partner’s name. Here are some classic examples:

  • Please
  • Deeper
  • F*ck
  • Daddy

Describing Words

If you want to break out of your comfort zone, try using descriptive words while you’re getting it on. You can stick with just telling your partner how turned on you are, using phrases like “you make me so wet” or “that feels so good.” You can also use dirty talk to guide your partner toward what gets you off — “touch my clit” or “I want you to pull my hair.” 

  • You’re going to make me cum.
  • Choke me.
  • Slap my ass.
  • F*ck me from behind.
  • Say my name.
  • I’m your good girl.

Sexual Fantasy Words

And finally, there are the sexual fantasy words and dirty talk phrases. These words are often used ahead of your sexual encounter as foreplay — getting your partner excited for what’s to come without even needing to put your hands on them. 

Phrases like, “When you get home, I want you to bend me over the kitchen table and f*ck me until I scream,” works well for explaining what you want them to do to you. You can also use dirty talk to tell them what you plan to do to them: “I’m going meet you at the front door with the strap-on and make you cum before dinner” is also super hot. 

Starting with some sexual roleplay can be a great way to turn up the heat. Even better, break out your sex toys and let your partner know what’s on your mind while masturbating.

  • I can’t wait to get my hands on you.
  • I’m waiting for you naked.
  • I’m so turned on right now and thinking about you. 
  • I need you to tie me up later.
  • Please f*ck me in the ass later.

In Summary

Learning how to dirty talk is about more than just pleasing your partner. Dirty talk can help connect you with your sexual identity, open you up to new experiences, and empower you to finally ask for what you really want. 

Plus, it’s a super hot way to make your sex life even naughtier and more intimate. Don’t be afraid of sounding awkward — your partner will be far more excited that you’re getting dirty to worry about it. 


Talk Dirty To Me: The Psychology of Dirty Talk | Psychology Today

An Examination of the Nature of Erotic Talk | Archives of Sexual Behavior

How to become an active listener | University of Rochester

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